By Matthew Watson

The Office of Civil Rights and Sexual Misconduct, One Love, and the LGBTQ+ Equity Center held a discussion on Oct. 6 centered around queer relationships and the new Netflix series, “The Ultimatum: Queer Love.” 

The show is a reality dating series that premiered on Netflix last May, and is a spin-off of the 2022 Netflix series “The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.” In both shows, couples who are considering marriage have eight weeks to decide whether to get married or separate forever. 

After a few days of getting to date partners from other couples, contestants may then choose new partners to move in with for three weeks in what the shows call a “test marriage.” After the three weeks are up, they must choose whether to marry their new partner, return to marry their old partner, or to leave single.

Caliph Riley, a senior sociology major, was inspired to attend this discussion to gain more tools for cultivating a healthy dating environment.

“I’m dating someone right now,” Riley said. “So I’m trying to make sure that I can have an introspective view of what is happening in that process.” 

Throughout this event, students viewed clips from different episodes that featured a form of conflict between partners. Using the “10 Signs of a Healthy/Unhealthy Relationship” from One Love, a national non-profit organization that seeks to end relationship abuse, they discussed what qualities each couple displayed during their conflict, with the guide as a baseline for comparison.

“In the show, we saw a lot of people saying things that seemed like it was intended to hurt their partner,” said Jessica Nguyen, a graduate public policy major. “I think once you catch yourself doing that, it’s really important to correct that and do the work to repair the harm [done].”

For couples in the show that displayed a healthy relationship, some qualities they might have shown through their conflict would be respect, honesty, and independence, while unhealthy relationships might have displayed possessiveness, belittling, and a deflection of responsibility.

“I was working with people in our office to make sure that this [event] was a priority for Domestic Violence Awareness Month,” said Josie Urrea, the graduate assistant for the Office of Civil Rights and Sexual Misconduct and one of the organizers for this event. 

“Making sure that all types of relationships are represented and students from all different backgrounds, all different communities on campus are aware of their resources, is really important,” she said.

Students also discussed dismantling stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding queer relationships, such as domestic violence being a problem exclusive to heterosexual relationships. 

In the show,  there was one episode where a contestant revealed that they were arrested for domestic violence against their partner.

“The biggest part [about queer relationships] is that we’re not a monolith,” said Riley. “In any dynamic, there can be some kind of unhealthy situation, some kind of abuse.”

Looking to the future, the Office of Civil Rights and Sexual Misconduct hopes to partner again with the LGBTQ+ Equity Center next April for Sexual Assault Awareness Month, stressing the importance of students knowing the policies and resources available to them.

“We’re aware of the barriers and the societal stigma and the fear that LGBTQ+ community members have,” Urrea said. “So we just want to make sure that they feel safe and comfortable to come to our office as they need.”

Featured Image: The LGBTQ Equity Center on Sep. 16, 2021. Photo by Minnie Stephenson.