By Irit Skulnik
“Please Heavenly Father, give Dad the job,” 10-year-old Eliza Bowden whispered. Kneeling, she pleaded hard and desperately.
A few minutes before, her mom had burst into the living room where Eliza was playing with her sisters. She demanded the girls pray for their dad. He was on his way to a job interview, a potential lifeline to lift the family out of poverty.
Adhering to their faith as strict Mormons, the family turned to the one constant through their struggles – prayer. Many nights young Eliza lay awake in her bedroom late into the night. It was quiet but her mind was loud.
“My thoughts were swirling and screaming ‘what happened to my life?’ Such big thoughts, fears, and emotions for a child. That bedroom, that moment haunted me for years,” she reflected.
More than three decades later, the once-young girl has transformed her life. Most recently, at the age of 44, she was named the new executive chef for the University of Maryland’s catering company, Good Tidings. Through the challenges, she has proven herself to be one thing — a fighter.
Childhood poverty and Mormonism
Bowden’s mother, wanting to escape an abusive home situation, married her dad at the age of 17, never finishing high school. They had kids fast – four girls in six years. A few years into their marriage, when Bowden was a toddler, they converted to Mormonism.
Her father worked for the U.S. Department of Defense after serving in the Navy. As a result, the family lived abroad for much of Bowden’s childhood. She recounted memories of living in Liberia, England and Ecuador.
Ultimately, after her dad quit working for the government, the family moved to Michigan. Without a college degree, her dad struggled to find work. They were extremely impoverished, and even homeless at one point.
The sudden pivot from a somewhat comfortable life to poverty turned Bowden’s world upside down.
“When my dad left government work our situation did a 180, it was like we went from princess to pauper overnight practically,” Bowden said.
As Mormons, it was hard for young Bowden to understand why their family was struggling so deeply despite her constant prayer.
Stuck in a shame spiral, young Eliza wondered why God didn’t love her family as much as others.
“What are we doing wrong? Why aren’t we doing as good?” she would ask herself. “After years of growing up and being out of the situation and being able to look at the concept of God more objectively, remembering that childhood feeling, like that’s pretty fucked up.”
Her experience living in poverty greatly affected her life for years to come, she explained.
“Financial stability is something that is very stressful and scary to me. I try to remember that I am not my parents…and that ultimately I am in control of a lot more than I think,” Bowden said. “My life isnt the result of a reward system handed down from a divine other world being. What I have and what I have accomplished is because of my hard work and growth.”
The path to becoming a successful chef, though, was not simple for Bowden.
Culinary school is a new start
Having never been exposed to career-oriented women, young Bowden had a very sheltered idea of what her future would look like. She grew up being told her purpose was to get married, have children and be a good Mormon woman – just like her mother.
At the time of her high school graduation, the family who had moved to Arkansas, was still deeply struggling financially. She needed a way out.
“We knew [college] was an escape from the poverty we were living in,” she said.
One day Bowden’s sister showed her a pamphlet from their guidance counselor’s office, it was for a culinary school in Vermont.
Cooking had always been a hobby for Bowden, but more importantly, it wouldn’t cause trouble in her religious community, as cooking was a skill she could use at home with her family.
With loans and scholarships, she enrolled at the New England Culinary Institute, breaking free from her Mormon bubble. The experience was a scary and challenging culture shock, she recalled.
Having never participated in extracurricular activities, she felt behind her peers socially. Navigating new interpersonal relationships and becoming independent was a significant adjustment, she said.
Post-graduation, Bowden gained practical industry experience at various jobs, from a small catering company in Utah to Club Med resorts in Florida.
At the age of 30, Bowden landed the position of executive chef at a substance abuse treatment center in Virginia—a turning point in her life. Surrounded by colleagues trained in psychology, she began confronting her childhood trauma and started therapy.
Leaving the religion
During those years, Bowden found herself increasingly isolated from her own community. The extended exposure to the outside world, coupled with the cognitive dissonance that resulted, planted the seeds for her eventual decision to sever ties with the church.
Every Sunday Bowden would sit in her pew at her local church for three hours. As she got older and delved deeper into therapy, a realization dawned upon her — she was merely pretending to enjoy it.
“I would go to church and be a good Mormon girl. I remember feeling exhausted…I remember feeling that if I’m faking it, I can’t be the only one,” she said.
When her youngest sister came out as queer, Bowden eventually had to face the church’s poor treatment of the LGBTQ+ community, she said.
Additionally, as Eliza matured, church members increasingly expressed worry about her potential fate as a “spinster,” she recounted. The pervasive sense of pity for her unmarried status, which was highly unusual in the community, fueled her discomfort.
“I started to feel like church was the only place I was getting messages that I was less than because I was a woman,” she said. “Being out of it, one of the things I enjoy the most is that I feel like I can love people more authentically now.”
Five years ago, at 39, Bowden left the church, reclaiming her life in the process, she said. Despite ostracism, she found freedom. Now all three of her sisters are out, much to their parent’s denial, who are still active today.
“You don’t realize how weird or messed up things were until you’re out of it,” she added.
In saying goodbye to the constraints of Mormonism, Bowden slowly built up her inner confidence which ultimately enabled her to be more successful in her career.
A vision of the future
After working for Good Tidings for a few years, Bowden was recently promoted to executive chef, a career milestone she never could have dreamed of.
“I am extremely humbled and honored that the full-time kitchen staff who have worked here for much longer than I have supported me and were glad I got the job,” she said.
Beverly Carroll, who has worked for Good Tidings for the past 22 years, was thrilled to see Bowden get the job.
“I was not surprised when Eliza was promoted. She was the one to beat! She has the skills and training to take Good Tidings to the next level,” Carroll said.
Reflecting on her journey, Bowden wears her chef coat with a profound sense of pride. Along the way, she has earned three silver medals in regional culinary competitions and aspires to keep evolving both as a leader and a chef.
From her cozy studio apartment in Laurel, Bowden savors the success that looks vastly different from anything she could have imagined in her childhood. With her three cats by her side, she reflects on a journey marked by resilience and an unwavering pursuit of genuine happiness.
“I am excited about the future,” Bowden said. “I love my job and it is beyond my wildest dreams…it’s an awesome and humbling responsibility.”
Featured image: Chef Eliza Bowden poses with her finished dishes at the American Culinary Federation’s culinary competition in March 2023. (Photo courtesy of Eliza Bowden)